When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
