tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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