Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
