The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
