I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
