I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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