My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
