So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
