Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
