Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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