ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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