my being single is dangerous.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
