JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
