i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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