look no pants
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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