Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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