Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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