Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
