I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
