Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
