he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
