I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
