It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
