you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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