awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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