oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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