You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
