Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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