See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
