doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
