Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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