A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
