so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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