My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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