we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
