I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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