i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
