I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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