My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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