You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
