Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
