alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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