yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
