He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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