You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
