Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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