A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your penis caused this!
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