Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
