well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
