Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
