At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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