Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
