Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
