Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

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  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2421) Bad night (672)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

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  (317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka. http://tfl.nu/vpiu
  Replies (10) Good night (4617) Bad night (609)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...

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  (706): Just donated money to a kid for her softball team. (706): Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years... http://tfl.nu/z5u3
  Replies (34) Good night (4080) Bad night (741)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo

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  (717): i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo http://tfl.nu/9iyh
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (3147)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...

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  (703): there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40... http://tfl.nu/f1ts
  Replies (25) Good night (710) Bad night (5776)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just snuked. Sneezed and puked

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  (608): I just snuked. Sneezed and puked http://tfl.nu/izkl
  Replies (16) Good night (1187) Bad night (6438)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

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  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8253) Bad night (937)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

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  (256): I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train. http://tfl.nu/pxln
  Replies (17) Good night (2306) Bad night (920)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Pass the awkward sauce please.

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm drowning in it here

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  (928): My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking. (308): Pass the awkward sauce please. (928): I'm drowning in it here http://tfl.nu/qbnt
  Replies (4) Good night (1532) Bad night (938)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me

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  (780): You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me http://tfl.nu/3d09
  Replies (6) Good night (1179) Bad night (623)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?

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  (734): But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know? http://tfl.nu/qpnv
  Replies (14) Good night (600) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (676) Bad night (229)
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  (714): View more from California

  Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down

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  (714): Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down http://tfl.nu/a62b
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (178)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics

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  (847): I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics http://tfl.nu/jc4w
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (279)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked

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  (716): Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked http://tfl.nu/c2o7
  Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (188)

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