Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs. http://tfl.nu/6isi
  Replies (14) Good night (2901) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
  Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (2309)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state. http://tfl.nu/6i4f
  Replies (43) Good night (5437) Bad night (1882)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
  Replies (53) Good night (1025) Bad night (4589)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin

  (1-862): View more from New Jersey

  doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin (1-862): doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you http://tfl.nu/gtrz
  Replies (19) Good night (1351) Bad night (2959)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life. http://tfl.nu/sa3f
  Replies (4) Good night (2696) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash? http://tfl.nu/uuv0
  Replies (8) Good night (2595) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum. http://tfl.nu/gdla
  Replies (8) Good night (1654) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad. http://tfl.nu/mvcz
  Replies (4) Good night (581) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking. http://tfl.nu/rcur
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later. http://tfl.nu/c155
  Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Whats your number? 5 or more?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Whats your number? 5 or more? (973): Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/b76i
  Replies (1) Good night (651) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow http://tfl.nu/q6h5
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn http://tfl.nu/00rd
  Replies (4) Good night (462) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie. http://tfl.nu/hffy
  Replies (7) Good night (324) Bad night (457)

Randomize