You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
