my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm getting married
To pizza
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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