Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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