im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
