I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
