Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
