He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
