My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
