she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
