Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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