I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
