Porn is love you can see.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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