you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
