am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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